Fatwa: #283
Country : Anonymous
Question:
basically i met this girl and then we started talking and we did so much haram and then we decided to make it halal so we told our parents but my parents said no and didn’t accept her then i got secretly married to her and then we started having so many fights and then she started manipulating me and showing signs of only wanting my money and then my parents said to me “you will never marry her we found something bad on her family and if you marry her you will never be our son again ” and i know my parents and they really mean it when they say never be my son again and then basically i have to pick between her or my family so i started praying istikhara and had a dream that we stop talking and give it X years if i can not convince my parents to accept her then leave her for my family i need help what do i do
Answer
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
حامدا و مصليا و مسلما
Muhtaram
We have received your query regarding your marriage, our response is as follows:
The proper way to conduct a Nikah is to perform it in the Masjid openly and not in secret. However, since your Nikah has already been performed and she is now your wife, we advise you to do your utmost to make the marriage work.
Marriage is a great responsibility and a serious commitment. Therefore, it is your responsibility to fulfil that commitment to the best of your ability and to make every sincere effort to build a successful and lasting marriage.
Marriage is a two way road which requires dedication and input from both sides. If there is a deficiency from one of the sides then this will have a negative effect on the marriage. If this does happen then the other party should guide, help and assist the deficient spouse wisely rather than attack and confront him/her. There will always be trials and tribulations in a marriage but the true and ideal marriage is that marriage which can stand up to and overcome the challenges thrown at it. The spouses in a marriage are united by a sacred bond and they should endeavour to remain united by that bond. They should work hand in hand aiding each other in the case that one of them falters.
Both spouses have rights over each other and these rights can never be over emphasized. The wife comes into the care of the husband through the sacred union of Nikaah. Everyone has his/her faults and weaknesses, therefore the spouses should work hand in hand to achieve mutual harmony. It is also the joint duty of the partners to create within the home such an Islamic environment which will be conducive to the subsistence of the Nikaah and the Islamic upbringing of the children.
Coming close to Deen is the only solution. Once a person reforms his/her own self, then Allah Ta’ala will solve all problems from the unseen. So turn to Allah Ta’aala, perform Salaat-ul-Haajat and beseech His help to have the problems that are plaguing your marriage to be solved.
In this world people are confronted with different kinds of problems, collectively or individually, some in their business, some in their homes and families etc. These problems don’t end but differ from time to time. It should be borne in mind that whatever problems and conditions befall us are the result of our actions and deeds. We should accept it to be from Allah Ta’ala and at the same time have full conviction that the solution will also come from Allah Ta’ala.
Likewise we should understand that every marriage will have problems, some on a lighter scale and some on a greater scale.
Together with all this, it is very important that we should turn towards Allah Ta’ala, make Dua that Allah Ta’ala helps and assists us and removes the barriers and obstacles from our way and grants us Aafiyiat (i.e. peace, well-being and prosperity). We also advise you to make an effort to bring Deen into the house and create a healthy Deeni environment in the house. By doing this, the understanding of Deen will come into the hearts of you and your wife resulting in a peaceful and happy life with understanding. Implement the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi (salallahu alaihi wasallam) in the house (e.g. make salaam the household norm, each time that you come and go from the house, try to eat together etc). Likewise you can establish Ta’leem (household members getting together and reading out Islamic literature and also books that explain the rights of the spouses in a marital relationship) if not yet prevalent. The establishing of Ta’leem at home is a very effective way of bringing Deen into the home. Take out some time during the day for example after Maghrib and read out a kitab loudly and invite the family members to take part in the Ta’leem. And frequently give Sadaqah (charity). If done on a daily basis, even if little in quantity, it will prove very beneficial. Inshallah these acts will create a Deeni environment at home, will attract and invite the mercy of Allah Ta’ala, ultimately resulting in a happy and blissful life.
Everyone desires to live in peace and comfort without any problems but this is virtually impossible for one to attain in this temporary world and life. Allah Ta’ala has kept complete success, salvation, peace and comfort in following our beautiful Deen of Islam that will ultimately lead to Jannah, where there will be no worries, difficulties, problems or depression but rather total happiness and satisfaction. Allah Ta’ala has promised this for those servants who have perfect Imaan and do righteous deeds.
Therefore, in conclusion, our advice is that you make a sincere effort to improve your wife’s Imaan and also yours.. Try to help her become connected to the Deen and encourage her to follow the advice mentioned above. This may take time and patience, but the benefits of doing so can be tremendous, Inshallah.
With regard to your parents, we recommend that you explain the situation to them through a responsible and respected senior person, and continue to make Dua for them. It is imperative that you seek their Duas and strive to maintain their happiness and contentment.
Therefore, do not become rude or disrespectful towards them. Rather, speak to them with love, wisdom, patience, and respect, and make every effort to preserve a good relationship with them.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Answered by:
Muhammad Irshad Motara
23rd Rabiul Awwal 1448
6th September 2026