(#203)
Question
Assalamu alaikum, I have been married since 3 years and have been living with my in laws and my brother in law and his wife but when it comes to doing cooking and house chores my husband asks me to take care of everyone’s food and not just his but I don’t mind doing it since I think allah will reward me for it inshallah but the problem is the moment I say I want to go stay at my parents house for a night my husband stops talking to me and says I don’t listen to him even though I have been listening to all he says and his parents as well. His parents want me to do everything and they allow all their other sons to live separately but they don’t allow us. Should I stop going to meet my parents if my husband tells me to? And with regards to his parents how do I make my husband realise that I cannot live with them and it is really hard since he does not want to move out at all and they dont want us to as well?
Answer
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
حامدا و مصليا و مسلما
Muhtaramah
We have received your query regarding your marital situation, we apologise for the belated reply, our response is as follows:
May Allah Ta’ala reward you for your efforts in serving your in-laws. Inshallah serving them will be a means of great reward for you in the hereafter.
Regarding the issue of visiting ones parents, Allamah Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“The husband should not prevent his wife from leaving to visit her parents once a week if they are not able to visit her…It is related from Imam Abu Yusuf that her leaving to visit her parents is pre-conditional to them being unable to visit her.” (Radd al-Muhtar, 2/664)
From the above passage and other similar texts of the Fuqaha (Islamic Jurists), it is clear that a wife may speak to her parents and also they may visit her.
In order for the ship of marriage to sail smoothly it is imperative that the husband and wife treat each other’s parents in the same way they would like their own parents to be treated. Rather than each party demanding their own rights, everyone trying to fulfil everyone else’s rights cultivates a more fruitful outcome.
Therefore, just as a husband would like his parents to come and stay at his house, he should also like the same thing with his wife’s parents. In this way the bond of marriage will be stronger.
Our advice to you is that you should continue to speak and explain to your husband your situation and make Dua for him. Allah Ta’ala is the controller and changer of the hearts. Also daily conduct Ta’leem in the house and make an effort for the family to become connected to an Alim which will guide the family whenever there is turbulence in the marriage.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Answered by:
Muhammad Irshad Motara
26th Zhul Hijjah 1445
4th June 2024
