(#208)
Question
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
I’d like to seek some advice for my particular situation in dealing with my family with regards to marriage. Alhamdulillah, Allah (swt) guided me into Islam three years ago and since then have not felt grateful enough to dedicate my life to increasing my knowledge and worship to Allah. I’m a native New Zealander, age X, born from a Chinese family, and the only one in my family that is Muslim. As a result of my parents’ disagreement to my reversion (bias due to media, culture, etc), I had been evicted, worked and rented for a year, and returned home a few months ago. I know that my parents care for me and these “hateful acts” are out of a rather aggressive form of concern for me.
There is a man from Egypt that I want to marry. It is the same man who introduced me to Islam, as we have maintained online contact in hopes of marriage within the next year or two. One thing that I’d like to make clear is the misconceptions that may come to mind. My reversion is independent of anyone, is out of genuine faith towards Allah (swt) and prophet Muhammad (saw). Likewise, my desire to marry this man is not because of temporary infatuation or feeling indebted to him, but because we see each other as potential spouses, knowing the rights and objective of marriage in Islam. We aim to tie our marriage in a way that is most pleasing to Allah and avoided online nikah as we feel that it is better to fulfil the rights of marriage in person.
My concern now is how I should bring this to my parents. I always hope and pray for Allah to guide them, whether that is through me or by other means (till now have not given dawah due to reasons above). I fear that bringing this topic of marriage to them will further divert their hearts away from Islam, reasons stemming from the mixed modern western and Chinese cultural norms. Eg, the ideal of marrying after 28, the essentiality of a woman’s financial independency, etc.
Upon impression 3 years ago, my parents accused this man of brainwashing me into Islam. We have not talked about him since and our contact with each other has either been forgotten or overlooked by them. I’m not sure how I should reveal to them that I’ve been remaining in contact and planned to marry this man. Worst case scenario I’ll be ready to get evicted again. InshaAllah it won’t be so.
Kindest regards,
Answer
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته
حامدا و مصليا و مسلما
Muhtaram
We have received your query regarding marriage, we apologise for the belated reply, our response is as follows:
It is our sincere and fervent Dua that Allah Ta’ala grant you steadfastness on Iman, solve all your issues and grant you happiness in this Dunya and Akhirat.
Our advice to you is that first and foremost it is imperative that you discontinue all unnecessary contact with this man. Both parties should beseech Almighty Allah Ta’ala for forgiveness if there was any pre-marital involvement, make a firm decision not to speak unnecessarily to any Ghair mahram (i.e. a person whom one can marry).
Seek goodness from Allah Ta’ala in the form of Istikharah Salaah and always remember the criterion of one’s marriage should be Deen.
Rasulullah Sallallâhu Alaihi Wasallam has advised us to make Istikhaara. Sayyiduna Jabir Radiyallahu Anhu states:-
كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يعلمنا الاستخارة في الأمور كلها كما يعلمنا السورة من القرآن يقول إذا هم أحدكم بالأمر فليركع ركعتين من غير الفريضة ثم يقول اللهم إني استخيرك بعلمك وأستعينك بقدرتك وأسألك من فضلك العظيم فإنك تقدر ولا أقدر وتعلم ولا أعلم وأنت علام الغيوب اللهم إن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر خير لي في ديني ومعاشي وعاقبة أمري أو قال في عاجل أمري وآجله فاقدره لي ويسره لي ثم بارك لي فيه وإن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر شر لي في ديني ومعاشي وعاقبة أمري أو قال في عاجل أمري وآجله فأصرفه عني واصرفني عنه وأقدر لي الخير حيث كان ثم أرضني به قال ويسمي حاجته
Translation: Nabi Sallallâhu Alaihi Wasallam would teach his companions Istikhaara in every important matter as he would teach them a chapter of the Quraan. He would advise them to perform two Raka’aat of Nafl Salaat and thereafter read the following supplication (The supplication appears as is underlined in the text above).
Thereafter whatever the heart gets inclined to one should try to opt for that. This is a form of divine guidance.
Note: One should think of one’s problem when reciting the following words of the supplication أن هذا الأمر]]
Thus, if you feel that this person will be a practicing Muslim and loving husband then you should go forward with the Nikah. To unnecessarily delay the Nikah is non in accordance to the Sunnah.
Conduct the Nikah in the correct manner i.e. in the Masjid and inshallah there will be Khair (goodness). Continue to make Dua for your parents and call them towards Islam with kindness.
Finally, until the marriage takes place, all unnecessary communication with each other should seize. If some communication has to take place, with regard to arranging marriage dates, etc, that should be done through a responsible third party. In this way there will be Barakah inshallah.
Have full reliance on Allah Ta’ala and inshallah Allah Ta’ala out of infinite kindness will make everything easy.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Answered by:
Muhammad Irshad Motara
6th Muharram 1446
13th July 2024
Please note: The above answer is based on the questioners specific scenario of being revert and having non-Muslim parents. The same advice may not necessarily apply in other scenarios.
